26 Feb An Open Letter to Everyone Who Think They Know Better
(Yes, you, with your upturned nose, throwing disgusted glances my way)!
How are you doing in that “I-can’t-mind-my-own-business” world of yours?
Hope you are comfortable. If not, please make yourself so. Sit down and put your legs up. Because this is going to take a while, let me tell you upfront.
You, who keep doing me a favour by telling me what’s right for me and what’s not, are not appreciated enough. Not that I needed you to tell me what’s wrong with me. I am quite capable of doing that myself.
But when you with your judging eyes and your myopic understanding of the world, specifically come up to me and point out my failures, it hurts. Not because you are right (In fact, it’s far from that) but because I struggle with an appropriate response at that time.
So, this is me telling you how much of a (dis)service you have done to me.
While we are it, let me grab the opportunity and go the whole hog here. Bear with me, Mr. Self-appointed Know-it-all, and brace yourself, because I too won’t pull any punches!
I love myself. Yes, I do; notwithstanding your negative comments and opinions about me.
The physical (even if extra-large), mental (the whimsical and eccentric mind I have) and the emotional (extremely so, to be honest) me. The mature and sensible me. The fun-loving and spontaneous me. The straight talker and the contradictory, confusing me.
I love myself beyond and in spite of all my inadequacies. In fact, I love that part of me, too.
I love that I don’t care being fat (Even if you with your ‘black coffee, no milk, no sugar’ think that that makes me any less a person)
“When we lose twenty pounds…we may be losing the best twenty pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty.”
– Woody Allen
You who think that if I am single till now there must be something wrong with me. Let me tell you that I love being single and am enjoying every moment of it.
Of course, I am keen to find love, yet am respectful and confident enough of myself to not accept just any man, especially one as thoughtless and narrow-minded as you. And, to be honest, Love doesn’t come to you on a silver platter or get served up on a buffet spread. It just happens, and for whatever reasons, it hasn’t happened to me yet.
And because, I know myself better than you do, I know that I am very friendly yet aloof and distanced. So, you with your perfectly coiffed hair, false eye-lashes, and acrylic nails may call me rude and ill-mannered but I take solace in the fact that the real me is nothing like that and these words can be attributed to that noisy, empty vessel that rests above your shoulders.
You tell me that with this attitude, I won’t find anyone. Pray so be it!
It’s a different matter altogether that the rudeness and arrogance that’s apparent at first meeting is enough to put off the wrong guys, but not those who choose to see what’s beyond that.
You, who are known to be insensitive, you tell me that I am too immature and kiddish. All I would like to say is that it’s you who are too stuck up and opinionated. Of course—not being judgmental would surely make you less of a man! Or woman!
I am carefree and spontaneous. That I can dance in the middle of the street without as much as a second thought to who may be watching is proof enough of that. (That I don’t actually dance in the street is proof of my wisdom, by-the-way!)
That I sing to my heart’s content despite being tone deaf and the most off-tune singer you could find, shows that I am content with myself and don’t need anyone’s permission to do something that makes me happy. Can we say the same about you?
Unlike you, I am the most non-judgmental person you will come across as well as the best agony aunt you could find.
“You’re either too fat or too thin. You just can’t win.”
– Natalie Imbruglia
I love that I give people the benefit of the doubt and generally believe in the goodness of the world. Tragic world incidents that prove the opposite do cause me pain and sadness (proves that I am compassionate, sensitive and human, contrary to what you have often told me) and I appreciate that there is sense of loss I personally feel, but I also love that such incidents are unable to make me a cynic or a hater. I love that I understand the realities of the world but I deliberately choose to keep my rose-coloured glasses on. (So, you can keep that ‘you’re so cut-off from reality’ comment to yourself)
I love that if there is something that I don’t like about myself, I get up and change it. Indeed, me having quit my job when it made me miserable is testimony to that and before you cluck your tongue at me being unemployed, let me tell you also that I haven’t ever been any happier as I have been these past 4 months. (So, if you think I am unable to adapt easily, you’re quite right—God help me if I have to put with you.)
I love that I am a rebel at heart, and my first reaction to what the world dictates is to not care at all.
“I hate overweight, because it implies that there’s a weight standard I should be adhering to.”
– Camryn Manheim
I love that you constantly share your opinions without a thought to the repercussions it may have; on my self-esteem in general or my confidence while I am trying something new. It’s commendable that you express your opinions without so much as a thought to its relevance, validity and accuracy. It’s great to know that you are so quick to jump to conclusions and pass judgements on people. Must take a lot of insensitivity and thoughtlessness to be able to do that. But what astounds me is that you think you are right and that your snide comments and nasty remarks are welcomed and valued.
Just to let you know, I am sensitive and your comments affect me badly. I brood, over-think, over-analyze and replay the conversation in my head (especially the ones that are so callously spoken) for hours wondering whatever gave you that right to be so petty-minded to deliberately hurt me or make me feel bad about myself.
Do you know that later I spend hours having an imaginary verbal duel with you in which I put forth my logical arguments and leave you speechless. So, thanks for giving me that opportunity too. I don’t do it while we are face-to-face, because unlike you, I do spare a thought for those around me and hesitate to say anything that may hurt or offend them, even if they don’t extend the same courtesy to me.
I love all of me, unconditionally. Because I can see the goodness in me and you can’t! And, that alone makes me a better person than you.
Here’s me thanking you for letting me know in no certain terms what an ignorant moron you are.
There’s so much more to a person than what meets the eye. And while you see me as fat or unemployed, I see myself as a fun-loving person who can make the best of any situation.
Here, take this multi-utility rope as a token of my gratitude. Since, you are so fond of reckless actions, you may need it when you climb that tower of self-appreciation to hang yourself. Then, we can take the same rope, tie you with it to a heavy boulder and dump you in the Mariana Trench. At least, the rope will be put to good use.
I shall praise my own self here. Because you, dear self-righteous critic, and self-appointed guardian of society cannot be trusted with such important tasks requiring selflessness.
Irrespective of how much you think otherwise, I believe myself to be intelligent and sensible with a good sense of humour. I am unemployed but not idle. I am fat but no couch-potato. I am single and not unhappy.
I am not living under a blanket of excuses and I am very much making the most of what circumstances and situations I am in. At least I am not sitting around whining away and finding faults with others, which is more than I can say about you. And I know how to mind my own business.
I am proud of me and if you are not with me, you are not my friend.
I am the best!
Regards and Best Wishes,
A real person with feelings
neveradullblingPosted at 17:52h, 25 February
Wandering SoulPosted at 04:08h, 26 February
Dr Meg SorickPosted at 17:57h, 25 February
Wow! That was quite a rant! I hope getting all of that off your chest helped you feel better! I think its good have a healthy way to vent your frustrations. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel unworthy. The fact is that people like that are the ones really lacking. Don’t waste your time on them. You only have to answer to your own self, no one else. Happiness comes from within, not from without! Love you, sis!
Wandering SoulPosted at 04:08h, 26 February
Love you too, sis!
Unfortunately it happens to a lot of other people too. A friend of mine is recently divorced (within an year of her marriage ) still trying to come to terms with it all.. and people are taunting her that if she still isn’t married an year after the divorce it’s unlikely that she’d get a partner now. Cruel and insensitive!!!!
Dr Meg SorickPosted at 04:21h, 26 February
That’s terrible! And totally unreasonable, to expect her to jump right back into dating!
Wandering SoulPosted at 04:32h, 26 February
Exactly! I guess it could be because the guy is already married and flaunting it all over FB, so could have prompted people to ask why not her too. But even that’s unfair, because each person takes his own time and healing process can’t be rushed. In fact, all the more reasons for her to take her own sweet time the second time round to avoid making the same mistake of rushing into marriage with the wrong person. Wonder why people don’t realize something so basic and obvious ! 🙁
Dr Meg SorickPosted at 04:37h, 26 February
So true! She needs to be sure!
Judy MartinPosted at 17:58h, 25 February
Well said you! 🙂
Wandering SoulPosted at 04:08h, 26 February
Thanks Judy 🙂
aurawithwritingPosted at 18:05h, 25 February
I do not know what made you come up with this. But it truly reflects your anguish. You are beautiful, humorous and smart!
You are very unique in your own way..specially with your writing style! Many of your readers admire you for what you are. Care about the ones that love you. You are very blessed!
And yes, you are the best! 😀
Wandering SoulPosted at 04:10h, 26 February
Thanks so much! That is so kind of you . I am indeed blessed to have people like you a part of my life . 🙂
lovehappilyPosted at 18:39h, 25 February
Don’t forget to know that you are unique in your own special way, and that you are beautiful. And don’t mind haters or let them put you where they want you to be, but ensure that they spell your name correctly.
Wandering SoulPosted at 04:10h, 26 February
Hahaha. Yes… that’s always going wrong 😀
lovehappilyPosted at 08:54h, 26 February
NitinPosted at 18:40h, 25 February
Haha. I read “telepathic systems…” 😀 😛 . You wrote it long, and you wrote it well. And I know what you must have felt after finishing the post and hitting the publish button, coz I have done so, that is written when I’m so full of emotions.. and it felts so good after that. 🙂 *verbal duel is so me* 😛 😀
Wandering SoulPosted at 04:12h, 26 February
So true. Felt at peace 😀 shall feel even more so after sharing it on FB 😉 Hope ‘they ‘ get to read it . 😉
NitinPosted at 04:22h, 26 February
MindandLifeMattersPosted at 18:48h, 25 February
I can understand why younmust have felt the need to write this. Certain people think they are ‘helping’ us when they say such things, just remember that you know you best. Ignore them and do what makes you feel happy and content. At the end of the day that’s what matters.
Wandering SoulPosted at 04:13h, 26 February
True Ra. Thanks for this . Muah!
stephrichmondPosted at 02:49h, 26 February
This is great except for the black coffee, no milk no sugar bit.. 🙁 thats me 🙁 but I’m behind you 100% of the way. Your life, no one else’s business. Keep doing what you do, you’re a star.
Wandering SoulPosted at 04:16h, 26 February
As long as your black coffee , no milk , no sugar isn’t a veiled hint to others , I think you’re fine 🙂 🙂 Thank you so much . That means a lot.
stephrichmondPosted at 04:18h, 26 February
No veiled hint… I just don’t like milk & sugar 😊
Wandering SoulPosted at 04:20h, 26 February
Then you are in the clear 😀
timelesswheelPosted at 03:57h, 26 February
I love this post!! It must feel SO good to write all that down! 😀 It’s ridiculous how obsessed the world is with getting married. A 14 year old girl asked my age and with a shocked face asked me “Aren’t you supposed to be married by now? You’re so old”. 😐 Don’t give the critics so much of your time with the thoughts and doubts – so not worth it (also, noting it down myself). It’s not easy to say without any doubts and and open heart that you love yourself unconditionally – no other achievement greater than that, for sure 🙂
Wandering SoulPosted at 04:20h, 26 February
What ever gave that idea to a 14 year old that marriage has to happen by a certain time. Tsk .. Tsk..! True , no bigger achievement than living yourself . That’s what should come first. The rest can follow 😉
Olive OlePosted at 09:31h, 25 March
I do not know where you are from, timelesswheel, but when it comes to marriage – that is most definately a cultural thing. In Scandinavia we don’t necessarily get married. Some do, and some dont. No judgement passed either way. That a 14-year old thinks you should be married at a certain age, that tells me that she has been raised in a culture where that is expected.
timelesswheelPosted at 09:39h, 25 March
I agree. It’s not just which culture she’s from but the family atmosphere and the conversations that go on at home as well. Luckily I am her teacher so I get to widen her mind about the world a little bit 🙂 I was quite taken aback and curious as to what prompted that question. I told her not everyone gets married at a certain age (let alone at all) and that’s okay. I then continued teaching 😁 This conversation though, made me aware of how much of an impact teachers can have over us, not just in terms of math or science but life as well…
surbhisachdeva89Posted at 04:41h, 26 February
I loved the way you have highlighted on the self-esteem of a true and sensible human. Well, this is ideally how everyone of us should be without keeping any qualms in expressing ourself to others and to our own self. Posits a strong message. And, the one and the last thing I would like to say is, that this is not just another post for me. I will look up to reading it time and again whenever I have bouts of lackness in my self-esteem or moments when I become unanswerable to myself or to others
Wandering SoulPosted at 06:17h, 26 February
Thanks, Surbhi! Just reading your comment made it all worth it. 🙂 and the last thing you said makes it even more special. Honoured and humbled that the post had that impact. I’m so glad it makes you feel better.
sassandsaucePosted at 05:37h, 26 February
I love this quote – “You’re the best, f*** the rest”. I say that to myself if somebody tries to put me down. Loved reading your views girl!
Wandering SoulPosted at 06:12h, 26 February
Thanks so much, Sassy! You’re so right. I like that quote. 😉
I often tell myself: I’m the best version of me! 😀
sassandsaucePosted at 06:57h, 26 February
That one’s good too 🙂
leennascreativeboxPosted at 06:27h, 26 February
Agree with Neveradullbling, and with you all the way! It’s great when you finally see how toxic a person is and call them out on it. Of course, it’s always your doing, and never a blemish on them, so I’m so so glad you came out stronger and can let this all go now. Good for you!
Wandering SoulPosted at 21:31h, 26 February
Thanks Leena. Appreciate the support . 🙂
Megha AgrawalPosted at 07:09h, 26 February
Great post and I keep saying this dialogue “main apni favorite hoon”. 🙂
Wandering SoulPosted at 21:30h, 26 February
Thanks , Megha! Three cheers to that! 🙂
MahevashPosted at 11:49h, 26 February
It’s a shame that people who are too afraid to be themselves try to put down those who are! Loved this post immensely…now only if you wrote another on the reaction of your critic 😀
PS You’re awesome just the way you are 🙂
Wandering SoulPosted at 21:26h, 26 February
It is sad , indeed.
Thank you for reading and liking. At the risk of sound immodest, I do agree with the last part completely. 😀
MahevashPosted at 10:28h, 28 February
Good…you should 🙂
Dawn MariePosted at 19:46h, 26 February
Wandering SoulPosted at 21:28h, 26 February
Thanks Dawn! It’s readers like you who make it special and worthwhile.
iamabloggertooPosted at 06:50h, 27 February
Piyusha , now that’s a wonderfully written out narrative with a lot of positive thinking inspite of negative situations in the present day world ! 🙂
Wandering SoulPosted at 13:15h, 27 February
smominginghamPosted at 10:19h, 28 February
Well. This is a strong and clear perspective. It’s like you were talking to a specific person (who was judgmental)
Wandering SoulPosted at 10:24h, 28 February
I was actually talking to more than one. 😀
AnandPosted at 01:17h, 29 February
Uh oh! Now I am sitting here, brooding, having a verbal duel with myself – with one me defending and the other offensively attacking – “Did you say something to Piyusha, you oaf?” asks the gentler me of the blundering me. “No I didn’t,” the defender responds. “Then why did she write this post?” the gentler me asks. “I don’t know,” the defender responds, somewhat sheepishly. He knows that he sometimes hurts people, especially when he is blundering blind…
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Diya @ Pen2NeedlePosted at 13:16h, 24 March
I loved this post hon! As I was reading through there were many lines I wanted to quote as my favorite but by the end I just lost track 😀 I’ve been through this phase myself so a lot of it was like reading through my own diary (had I been diligent enough to keep a regular one!) of that time in my life 🙂
You probably don’t need it now but know this… it does get better. And it is worth fighting through this murky phase. We’re all rooting for you 🙂
Wandering SoulPosted at 18:10h, 24 March
Thank you so much! That means a lot. 🙂
Olive OlePosted at 09:24h, 25 March
I live by the saying “Never let the f***ers get you down!” and I have absolutely no problem with dishing out a stinger in response to a thoughtless and mean comment. I feel that if someone thinks they have the right to judge, critizise and comment on me – then they better be prepared to swallow their own medicine. Thats only fair, isnt it?
Important to know that there are people who only thrive if they ca make omeone else feel miserable. This sais alot more about them then their victims. So to all the victims of bad behaviour, this is my advise: Never let the F***ers get you down!
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